I’m writing this for my ENFJ best friend who will soon get married to the man she loves. Congratulations to you, Sister!
We’ve been best friend since high school. I remember she was the quiet girl who was sitting not far from me. I noticed her cause she looked different, like she knows everything about everyone in class. She was open to anyone, yet very private. On the other hand, I was the geek, the weird one in class. I watched Japanese rock videos during recess, I hang out with other weird kids, I slept while teachers talking in front of class.
I don’t exactly remember how we became best friend. Maybe because we were sitting next to each other on 12th grade? Maybe after she told me everything I even didn’t know about myself? I don’t know. But I only remember this when I asked her why she chose me as her best friend. She said,
“Because when I talk non stop, all you do is just falling asleep.”
Well, so much for expecting lovable and deep answer about friendship from an ENFJ.
But truly, her answer is just beginning to our friendship journey.
She’s a Social Butterfly, and I’m a Lone Wolf
She connects with literally everyone. Classmates, teachers, strangers, everyone. She’s like Charles Xavier from X-Men, she can read their personality from the way they speak. She can tell whether someone is good or bad for herself and for anybody else she cares about (and she cares about pretty much everyone). That’s why I like her. She genuinely cares without expecting something in return. And if I take that for granted, then I’m an idiot.
Whenever I’m about to do something stupid (thanks to my inferior Se), she always asked me to think about it or gave me a rational (yet still warm at heart) reasons of why I shouldn’t do it. And as an INTJ who won’t listen to any stupid reasoning, her reasons always makes sense to me.
An INTJ can be pretty indecisive if they don’t have enough variables to make a decisions, especially the huge ones. She helped me by giving an input, usually in emotional aspects (“Think about your family…”, “I don’t think it’s good for your well-being”, “Think about what everyone feels…”). Because since she knows almost everyone’s personality, she can actually tell the damage they’d take if I make said decisions.
Me? I don’t really care about anyone else. They can do anything they want as long as they don’t bother me. My best friend always comes to me to talk about anything. She trusts her secrets to me as well as I trusts her mine. Since she knows really well about me, she’s not afraid I’d tell anyone about it cause she said this to our friends,
“You can tell your secrets to [me] and then she’ll forget it tomorrow.”
Yes, she’s right. Personally, everyone can tell anything about themselves and I’ll just listen to them with open mind. I don’t exactly forget about it, I just don’t let it burdening my mind. Why would I mess with anyone’s problems? Why would I ruin our friendship with anyone else by leaking their secrets? That’s absolutely a no no in my rule book about friendship.
We’re different socially, but we make similar rules.
Me as INTJ: I don’t care about you, but when I do, I’ll be loyal to you and you’ll always have my back.
Her as ENFJ: I care about everyone, I’ll always be kind to you, I won’t make enemies for nonsense reasons. But if you mess with me, I’ll bring you fury straight from hell.
She Gives Me Excitement for My Insights, I Give Her Insights for Her Excitements
I’m interested in writing, movies, books, and weird bands. She’s interested in fashion, people, karaoke. But we do have same interest: photography.
She told me any places we can go to hunt some photos, she pushed me to be open to new experiences, to people. Being an INTJ can make you be a dull person who doesn’t like to go outside. And she changed that to me. We skipped classes and made a one day trip out of town (to me, that was a big adventure).
I’m pretty much satisfied with binge-watching shows on weekends, but thanks to her, I actually did something and get out of my head once in awhile.
Meanwhile, as someone who can’t actually live in the moment, I give her insights every time we go out. Like, “Hey, if we go out here during sunset, we can actually catch a good photos.” or “We should go to this restaurant at day so there won’t be a lot people around.”. I remind her to always be safe and stuff.
Almost every weekend she asks me to do some adventure, we learned some things from random things I said on our trips that made our adventures more meaningful.
But still, we both find the same amount of excitement every time she asks me to go…
She’s the Heart and I am the Brain
She can’t even hurt a fly. She even keeps some people who obviously have hurt her because she doesn’t have the heart to cut them off. I can pretty much hurt anyone’s feelings by saying something that wasn’t meant to be harmful at all. I have no difficulties to cut people off if they hurt me in some ways.
She’s driven by her desire to find someone better than she is, someone who can teach her to be the best version of herself. She can make any guys fall for her by her charm and charisma. She makes everyone comfortable from the way she treats them. She told me I need someone intelligent, mature, and compassionate to be my husband. She saved me from toxic ex-boyfriends. In fact, I was joking to her, “If you’re a dude, I’d marry you.”
I am driven by my desire to be a successful author, to be someone who’s useful to others. She’s helping me a lot in my journey achieving that goal.
When her decisions doesn’t make sense for others, I got her back by giving them sensible and acceptable reasons. When others hating me for things I said or done, she got my back by telling them I didn’t mean to hurt them, that I have my own ways to deal with things.
As both Ni user, I’m a puzzle solver, I won’t rest until everything makes sense. She turns to me for new insights and input to her problems. We’re both long-term thinkers, we accept no bullshit from any guys, we can tell if your words can be taken seriously or not. We don’t take words lightly, we will always try to find meanings in every words you say.
Yes, she gives me warning to every decisions I’m about to make. But I also gives her a logical warning to her decisions. Like, always be calculating, don’t be reckless and stuff.
In short, we have no hesitation to call out on each other’s bullshit and idiocy every time we make mistakes.
We Can Actually Smell Your Bullshit From Far Away
It’s obvious!! We’re both intuitive! There are many times whenever someone speaks bullshit and they think they can get away with it, we can smell it and we’re just roll our eyes and laugh at them when they’re gone (I wanna point out their bullshit in their face, but she told me not to because it’s rude and obviously will spoil the fun!).
Couple days ago, she told our friends that bullshitting us is like teaching a fish to swim (and I’m still laughing about her analogy, though).
She can smell bullshit from people, and I can tell when there are things that won’t work out for us. That’s why we’re inseparable. People might think we’re superior to them, but hey, we earned it.
This is what I like about being best friend with her. She doesn’t tell me to change my aloof behavior, because she understands that I can’t trust people easily before I let them in. I won’t criticize her for being nice to everyone because she can take care of herself.
She’s John to My Sherlock, and I Won’t Find Anyone Better to be My Companion and Partner in Crime Better Than Her.
We have our own language. Not in a way she finish my sentence or something. But in a way that we’re both comfortable talking about things we’re uncomfortable to talk about. There are times when I can be explosive due to keeping my feelings to myself and since she understands everyone, she knows how to handle me. I remember when my anxiety took me over in front of her, and all she did was just sitting with me in the couch, hugging me while telling me rational things to soothe the chaos in my mind until I calmed down. And let me tell you, no one could handle me that best.
On the other hand, when she was totally confused and messed up, she can’t explain how she feels, and I was just like nodding at her and gets it. I feel like I’m her feet when she’s paralyzed, her voice when she’s speechless. I feel like I have to protect her, no matter what it costs. She showed me even a cold person like me can do good things to others. She taught me how to love myself, that I still deserve the best despite of my thoughts that I don’t deserve it.
There were peril times when others wanted to separate us. Like when my toxic ex-boyfriend hated her and trying to isolate me with negative thoughts about her. He was almost successful, because of him, I didn’t see her for like a year. When I finally cut him off, I apologized to her, I threw a small party on my birthday for her and my other friends that I haven’t seen for a long time cause he was isolating me from them.
She forgave me with no second thoughts. She only told me she was sad she couldn’t see me for A WHOLE YEAR, yet when I said sorry to her, she said, “You’re already forgiven.”
I COULD TELL SHE WAS MAD, DISAPPOINTED, BUT SHE’S BEING THE BIGGER PERSON BY FORGIVING ME WITHOUT DOUBT. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE A BEST FRIEND LIKE HER!?
And also, when she was in huge trouble, she didn’t hesitate to call me. She trusted me that I won’t judge her, I won’t criticize her. I believe we’re both grown women who can make decisions and choices by ourselves (no matter how stupid they are). At the time, I didn’t ask her why did she let herself fall into that trouble, instead, I was touched and tried to help her in manageable ways.
We push each other to be the best of ourselves because I know her best potential as well as she knew mine.
We’re both warriors, heroines to our stories, every time you want to destroy us, you only make us more awesome
She Respects My Tendency to be Alone, and I’m Okay When She’s Being Best Friend with Others
The thing about women friendships is that one person could be jealous when her best friend found someone else they can have fun with. I was never that person. She likes me because I never isolate her, I accept our friendship unconditionally. She can be best friend with anyone else cause I already knew in my heart she won’t forget me. We have fought together, we have our shared times in happiness and sadness, and nothing and no one could replace that.
She respects me as a private person. She understands that I need to disappear for three days after our adventure so I can recharge myself. She only asks me to be more open to new people, to new experience, but no, she never pushes me over my limit. Since she’s so busy preparing her wedding, I don’t get to see her more often, and I’m cool with that. We’ll meet again like it was only yesterday we last met. She was asking me to be one of her bridesmaids, to be in charge at her wedding, and I had no hesitation to say yes.
Do I feel left out and lonely after she gets married? No. I believe she can manage her time being a wife and best friend perfectly. Her happiness is my happiness. No matter how far away she goes, she’ll always be my dearest friend.